Getting Over Your First Love – How Bad Is It?
In this post you’re going to learn five tips on how to get over your first love.
Now as you probably already know, getting over a breakup is really really hard, getting over your first love is by far the hardest. And that’s because it’s not just any old breakup, it’s a breakup with the first person who really showed you what it means to love. You know when you guys first met it was that strong connection, you guys fall madly in love, you spent all your time together, you might have even planned your future with one another and this is all perfectly normal and actually quite typical of people who fell in love for the first time.
Another common attribute of first love is actually highlighted by a really great quote by a guy named Benjamin Disraeli and it goes like this:
“That magic of first love is our ignorance that can never end”
So now that it ended, it kind of just throws you for a spin you know because you were so set on this person but when it collapses you know, you’re just devastated. It’s like your entire reality just shattered and everything you thought was going to happen and everything you envisioned is just no longer going to be.
And it’s really hard and it’s going to be hard no matter what I say in this post but what I’m going to do is I’m going to share five tips that will really help you and I promise that if you follow them they will not only help you get over your ex but they’re going to help you move on with your life and actually open you up to falling in love again even stronger and harder and even richer and more passionately because that’s what happened to me and for all the people that I’ve worked with and talked to so.
Here’s five tips, going to just list them off.
NUMBER #1
Don’t try to get your ex back. I know there is this really strong urge to fight day and night to try and get them back. You know, you call them and text them over and over again, you try to figure out the reason for leaving. You try to convince them that things can change and “this and that” and you just have to let it go.
Accept that it’s over and accept that it’s done because as long as you hold on to any hope of getting back together, you’re not going to be able to move on. You can think of it sort of like an anchor. So if you like throw this anchor and it’s latched on to this relationship, you have no room to move on because it’s literally anchored to the past and you have to cut that anchor and let go in order to move on.
And I know this all makes sense logically but emotionally it seems really really hard because that simple act of cutting that anchor is not that easy because you love them. And you probably will still love them several months from now, maybe even a year from now because it was like the first time you felt something that strong but you have to realize that love and just all those strong feelings are not enough to make a relationship work.
It also takes certain skills and abilities. You know that strong communication, the ability to work through your issues, to compromise and a whole lot of things that I’m not going to get into deep. But the point is there is a reason it ended and you guys broke up for a variety of reasons and those reasons are not going to become clear to you if you still hold on to the illusion that you guys can work out if you keep in touch and all that.
You have to cut contact in order to kind of distance yourself from the situation and let those reasons surface because once you do you are going to be able to learn from it. You’re going to get a lot more clarity about why it ended and you’re going to stop driving yourself nuts about “why did they break up with me, what happened, what’s going on?”
You have to trust that as you take time apart – the reasons will become clear.
So, NUMBER #2 is actually along the lines of NUMBER #1 but it’s just kind of like an extra step which is, cut off all communication with your ex.
You know probably one of the most common rules on how to get over a break up is the no contact rule and that’s for a reason and I’ve mentioned all the reasons for this in my previeous posts.
It’s just you need to take time apart because you’ve got to think about it like a wound, that’s what the break up is and any contact you have with your ex is like you rubbing salt in the wound. You’re making it more painful because the wound can’t heal unless you let it heal and the only way you can let it heal is by not touching it and by not re-opening it.
So cut off all contact, I know it’s going to be really hard because, it’s really hard after every breakup but it’s especially hard after your first love because you probably got so close to them that their literally the closest person in your life.
You rely on them for emotional support, for comfort. You probably lost touch with a lot of your friends to spend more time with your ex and now it’s like you don’t have that same social support without them. And it can be really hard to imagine not talking to them because they were kind of everything to you. But you have to let that go and you need to rebuild your life and you must find that elsewhere both within yourself and within the other people in your life.
So NUMBER #3 is that, don’t assume that you’re never going to fall in love again.
This is a really common thing that a lot of people feel after their first really bad breakup because those feelings were so intense, so passionate and so new that it seems like out of this world, surreal.
And it’s really hard to imagine that you’ll ever feel like that ever again for anybody else but you have to realize that you will. You might not know that now because you have no frame of reference of any other relationships or any other relationships that you were strongly in love with before. So it feels like this was the one, this was super special and I’m not saying that IT’S NOT - it’s just there is a really common trap that we fall into and make ourselves go nuts by thinking that we’ll never find it.
It’s perfectly normal to feel but after you have several relationships, you actually look back and then with a whole new perspective. You know after every relationship I had, it’s always been that much deeper, richer and stronger and I didn’t think I would be able to love someone like that because it always feels like what I had in the present, it is the deepest, the strongest, the richest but as you grow and as you mature, the strength of love that you’re capable of having goes through the roof and that actually leads to NUMBER #4.
Which is focus on becoming a better person and I was just mentioning this in the last tips – that the more you grow and develop the better your relationship will be and the better your life in general is going to be.
Really make an effort to get something out of this, you’re in pain already, you’re experiencing a lose, you might as well get something out of it you know.
Learn this lesson. Gain more self awareness about yourself, how you behave in relationships, certain patterns that you have, certain issues that you tend to create and really observe this. You may think that your ex is the problem and point your finger at them but it’s really important to turn inwards and take a look at yourself and see how you may have contributed to the problems.
Is there anything that you did that may have pushed them away?
Or created too much stress in the relationship and caused a lot of the drama or problems or fights or arguments?
You may find someone else to be that perfect person but if you haven’t changed since then and if you haven’t learned and kind of grown yourself then you’re just going to recreate the same issues in a future relationship and you’re going to sabotage it and then you’re going to be right back at square one feeling just as heart broken and devastated as you feel right now.
So turn inwards, look at yourself, grow and become a better person.
And the NUMBER #5 is actually a really important one and that is to not be afraid to love again.
You have to remember that just because your first relationship didn’t work, doesn’t mean that it’s never going to work. Every person you meet is different and you’re going to love them differently for better or for worse it’s just how things happen.
You know when you meet someone new, you guys co-create something new together and the way that your relationship dynamic is going to play out with the next person you meet is going to be totally different than this one.
I mean hopefully, assuming you learn and grow and you do all the other things I mentioned otherwise you’re just going to create the same dynamic, bring all the same issues and recreate the same problems.
But assuming you learn and grow, it’s going to be something completely new and different and you actually, might just love it more. Personally I know that every single person I’ve loved, I love them that much deeper and stronger and it’s just been a really amazing thing to experience. So I recommend that you don’t just kind of close off from loving again and that’s a really normal thing to do.
If that’s how you’re feeling right now, if you’re kind of just like, “screw guys they’re assholes, they’re jerks” or like “screw girls they’re heartless bitches and all this stuff” – I totally get it.
When you’re hurt, that’s the easy route to take. You’re just trying to protect yourself, you’re in survival mode. But what you don’t realize is that what you’re actually doing to protect yourself is actually hurting you.
There’s a really great saying I once heard, is that, we build up walls to protect ourselves, to keep the bad guys out, but by building up these walls we actually prevent the good guys from getting in.
So don’t build up these walls out of fear or because you’re afraid of getting hurt. Remember that to love is to risk and yes you might get hurt, yes bad things might happen to you but the reward has to be worth the risk. And in order to overcome this kind of rational feeling to avoid loving again, you have to focus on what that reward is for you.
What makes you want to fall in love, what do you get out of it, what about it excites you and kind of moves you and touches you?
What is it about falling in love with your ex that you absolutely loved and adored?
What makes loving worth the risk for you essentially?
Leave me a comment and let me know, I’d love to hear.
What makes love worth the risk for me is that I just really love intimacy. I love getting to know people on a really deep level and knowing more about them, kind of what makes them tick, what moves them and to also see how they can move me. What do we have in common and just creating this mutual experience of like deep connection. I just thrive off that, that special connection is just… love it.
So that’s what makes the risk worth while to me, I know that special connection may not last forever, it may not be there, it may hurt me in the end but my ability to experience that special connection deepens more and more with every person that I am able to share that with and regardless of how long that lasts, it’s just an amazing feeling.
So leave me a comment below, let me know what is it about falling in love that makes the risk worth to you.
If you like this post make sure you hit that like button below here too. And if you’re still struggling to get over your ex and you want to learn a proven step by step formula on how to get over a breakup the click the link below:
http://specialreport.mybreakuptomakeup.com <<< This report is actually focus on getting your ex back, but it’ll help to understand the principle of relationship. So I suggest you grab it now. It’s free.
Thank you for reading up to this point, I know this one is quite a long read but I really hope this post has been helpful to you. Have a good day.
